


Remember, Remember

by yourlittlehiddlesmonster



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3069470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlittlehiddlesmonster/pseuds/yourlittlehiddlesmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Out of all the people in the world, some get lucky in their search for the one.<br/>Some may be still looking for theirs and others have already given up.<br/>But the most frustrating thing is when you’ve already had them, and you've been too stupid to let them go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think this will be a short one.  
> I loosely based the events on what has happened and is happening,  
> so if I make mistakes, I apologize.  
> I hope you do enjoy.
> 
> Italicized paragraphs are flashbacks of sort.

“Just turn left there at the intersection, please.” Tom instructed the driver. As soon as they arrived at the venue, the music had already been playing. He quickly ran to the red carpet that led his way to the pews and moved to his designated seat in front of the audience.

“You look gorgeous, mate.” He winked at Chris, the groom, who stood beside him, waiting for his bride-to-be. His musing earned a soft chuckle as a response.

“Glad you could make it.” Chris told his best man.

 

Elsa was sight to behold, even Tom thought so. The wedding went by smoothly and everything was in order. It was finally the reception and he was seated with his close friends, as well as co-stars in his most renowned films. The garden was filled with flowers, white and blue, that matched the theme of the wedding. The garden’s décor reminded him of the beaches in Australia where the groom grew up in and all the motif and music added to that feel.

“I never understood why they had to make it hard on themselves when they’re just drinking wine.” Benedict thought out loud, slightly amused and annoyed at the gesture of the couples’ arms intertwined as they brought the glass to their lips and drank.

“You’re just jealous because you’ll never get tied down!” Robert said, earning the man who played the same character similar to him in the famous BBC series. _The_ Iron Man got a playful smack from his wife, Susan, who was pulling him for a photo op from the wedding photographer. Tom thought it funny that Robert Downey Jr., almost well known for his billionaire- _playboy_ -philanthropist character in the Marvel movies couldn’t be topped when it comes to being happy at his state of being a married man.

Beside Tom, to his left was Benedict Cumberbatch, followed by Chris Evans and lastly was Robert Downey Jr., all who have been close friends with the groom himself, Chris Hemsworth. The newly-wed couple shared another kiss and was cheered by the crowd before they went around the garden to have photos taken with the friends and families that came to their event.

“I’m bored!” Chris (Evans) yawned out, stretching his arms as he placed his hands behind his head.

For some reason, Tom felt alike, making himself reply, “I am bored as well,” earning him a wink from the man who mused the thought first. This had been quite a habit of theirs for some time now, whenever they’d feel a little boredom, they’d amuse themselves by looking around for women who they’d think would be a good catch. He wasn’t exactly fond of the game but he’d condone it just to kill time. The duo turned their backs from the table and scanned the room, only to be joined in by their other friend, Benedict, who was bored as hell like they were.

“Count me in!” Benedict shouted as they turned.

Soon, Chris (E) and Benedict took turns pointing at women who they thought were good looking and Tom was counting in his head and out loud for them—usually a sign that he wasn’t interested at the choices.

“How about that woman in a long pink shimmery dress—“ Benedict quipped.

“4.” Tom replied.

“Oh look, 9 o’clock, the woman wearing a gold headband.” Chris (E) suggested, earning a nod of approval from Ben.

He looked a little longer than usual but shrugged it off. “5.”

“What?!” Ben and Chris (E) shouted at once. “You can’t be serious, Tom.” Both men shook their heads at their friend who was not the slightest bit amused.

 

Chris (H) approached his friends’ table with his wife and noticed the guys playing their counting game again, joining in the conversation that was directed at Tom. He caught the men joking about,

“Chris, your friend here wouldn’t even go past rating the women. It’s like he’s not even looking for one.” Robert joked, making Tom scoff in disbelief.

Much to their surprise, Elsa, Chris’ (H) wife joined in, “Maybe it’s because Tom’s already found one,” making a subtle wink at her husband and Tom. “He just doesn’t know it.”

Tom looked at Elsa with a shocked look, and laughed the comment off when their friends joined in saying, “Ohhhh, who could she be Thomas?”

“OH! I know, I know,” Chris (E) looked mischievously at Tom. “Could it be that preschool teacher you told me? You know she was very caring.”

The table knew who Chris (E) was talking about and Tom looked at his friend, shaking his head when had a flashback of how she was.

~~ _He was by the door of the daycare when he saw her feeding the kids biscuits and milk. He always waited patiently and picked her up right before she dismissed the children she took care of and taught. He had admired her passion for the kids and how she loved it—~~_

“And she was too caring that she ended up babying him!” Robert bellowed, making the table laugh and Tom cringe at the memory.

~~ _She approached Tom with a biscuit and milk in hand, coaxing him to eat it from her fingers, just like the kids she took care of. It was a little bit embarrassing with all the children staring up at them.~~_

 _“_ There was also that one,” Benedict started, his voice echoing loudly, “Little Miss Perfect!”

~~ _They were walking by the streets where Big Ben stood and she skittered down the paved side street with her hand in his._

_“You know, London, never fails to amaze me. Just like the Big Ben, my love of music and architecture is embodied in this piece. The Big Ben’s bell is set in the key of E, ever since its structure.” Her beautiful petite lady informed her quite excitingly. “No doubt many people want to come here!”~~_

His mind went off in a flashback only to be cut off by Captain America himself, who looked at him with mischief in his eyes. “Yeah, but Thomas, oh by the gods, for the first time,” he held onto to the table to keep himself from laughing before finishing his sentence. “He turned to Mr. Imperfect in the presence of that girl.”

~~ _Tom found her really intelligent and passionate as well with her study of history and art and asked her, “Really?” in response to her trivia._

_She looked at him in slight disgust, “How could you not know that?” she asked, like she couldn’t believe he just asked her that. ~~_

Tom was being made fun of all this antics and he was just going with it. He picked up the wine glass from the table and blocked out all their comments but he couldn’t help it when Chris (H) joined it, his deep voice entering the conversation. “I know, mate, how about that stewardess? That girl took you to heaven!”

Tom considered his comment carefully, nodding slowly in approval as thoughts of their weekly escapade truly took him to heaven. She was an amazing lover and she had quite a lot of surprises up her sleeve. He recalled those dark luscious eyes that would stare up at him when her lips would engulf his c—

“But Tom compared that girl to a dream right?” Robert mused, making his wife chuckle along with the rest of their friends. “She’d take off before he’d even wake up.”

The laughter around the table grew louder as Tom remembered waking up with notes that would tell him that it was either Tokyo, Mexico, Africa, Russia, and all other countries, she’d hit off to leaving him with faint memories of the night before.

“I really liked that MMA fighter you introduced us to before,” Benedict said, cutting him off from his thoughts. “She was hot.”

He could still feel her tackling him and grinding her toned body against his when Chris (E) mused, “Didn’t that girl make him into her own personal rag doll?” That made him shiver.

Tom’s friends were having the time of their lives making fun of them and he just shook his head, taking another sip of the wine in front of him with a soft smile. “I’m glad to be the source of entertainment tonight, everyone.”

“But before everyone else,” Benedict started. _Oh god, he’s not done yet._ Tom thought as he rolled his eyes at Ben, ignoring the curiosity that emanated from all their friends. “There was a photographer.”

 _Photographer._ The word struck him and stopped his heart beat for a second and for the first time in their entire conversation, he tried stopping him.

“Let’s not go into that, Ben,” he chuckled, staring at the wine in his hands, swirling it as he talked, not looking at anyone in the table. “She’ll probably turn me into dust if I see her.”

Everyone understood and just went on with the photographs and short conversations, leaving Tom to his thoughts.

~~ _Benedict managed to haul Tom to his feet and to a shady blind date once again. ’30 Seconds Match’ he read from the huge sign on the stage. He and his friends stood by the door, scanning the small pub that hosted the event and a girl parted he and his friends’ wall, going through them at a hurry._

_“Excuse me, please.” She said as she moved from them to the bar where she approached the event manager._

_The boys followed her and he could feel their stares rating her in their minds, most of them nodding in approval when she turned to them and looked at Tom directly before looking away._

_“I could almost sense a connection there.” Benedict joked, elbowing Tom lightly. They continued to stare at her and they saw her applying a sticker on her shirt that said, ‘Event Photographer’._

_“Ooohhhhhh, man!” Everyone shouted, “Off  limits!”_

_“Too bad, Tom, better luck next time.” They said as they hauled him in the venue to get started._

_Everything was a drag; he had approached the tables with women waiting for them and conversed with them all smiles and politeness though he was truly bored and generally uninterested. He saw his friends doing the best they can, putting their best flirt lines forward and he’s pretty sure he caught Chris somewhere showing off his toned abs for the lady in front of him._

_“Aren’t you already, engaged, Thor?” Chris (E) teased as they rearranged partners._

_Tom was more focused on the progress of his friends and that girl who held the camera intently on her hands, taking photographs of the couples that talked in the venue. He almost didn’t notice that his hand had been tapped by the lady in front of him. “You’re not paying attention, Tom!” The girl, Anna—Annie, or something, shrieked at him._

_He couldn’t tear off his gaze from the photographer that roamed the venue and when she retreated to the bar to get a drink, he apologized quickly to his partner and ran off to Benedict, offering him to substitute for his absence._

_Tom ran to the bar beside the woman he’d been eyeing all night and he noticed that she just wouldn’t look at him thought he made his presence fairly clear._

_He coughed softly, “Hi, I’m Tom.”_

_She faced him, sipping on the margarita when she said, “Sorry, but I—I’m not part of the, ugh,” she pointed to the tag on her shirt. “Event photographer, not part of—“_

_“Oh, no worries, I just wanted to know if you believed in love at first sight?” he joked, winking at her._

_She was surprised at his pick up line and muttered, “No, that was not, that good.”_

_What surprised her more was when he turned and left her, only to see him at her other side, “How about at second sight?”_

_Tom grinned nodding at her, “That’s a yes?”_

_She grinned as widely and shook her head, when he heard him say, “I knew it, I was often compared to a camera,” he started._

_The photographer was about to ask him why that is when he continued on, “’Cause I can make you smile.”_

_She scrunched up her nose in distaste of the corny pickup lines he was saying when she decided to hit him with his own medicine. “You know, I doubt you’d be able to go home.”_

_“Why is that?” Tom replied._

_“Cause you’re already in my mind.”_

_That made him chuckle aloud and continued on. “I was never good at basketball, and if you were a ball, I’d never be able to shoot you.”_

_She countered him, knowing the answer to that pick up line. “’Cause you’ll always miss me? You know your pick up lines are shit.”_

_He laughed, offering his hand to her, “I’m Tom.”_

_She shook her head; she never expected anything like this before and decided, why not? “I know, and I’m Kara.”_

_He never noticed how her smile reached her eyes and even with a slight wrinkle beside her eyes when she smiled, she still looked amazing. The light complimented her green eyes and the brown tresses of her hair were falling on the side of her face that he couldn’t help but reach for it and tuck it behind her ear, making her giggle. Tom’s friends eyed the both of them nodding their heads in approval from their distance._

_From then on, they hit it off. They did everything together, bought a flat…_

_“This place is amazing, Thomas!” She squealed._

_They brought their friends over for a house warming and everyone had photos of the event, drunken Benedict, Chris (E) and Tom dancing on the new table gave her the memories she had and it was a sight to behold._

_Tom and his friends often had soccer matches and they often lost but their ladies cheered on them all the way, and from there, she’d still photograph Tom and his friends, mostly Tom. Tom’s films and Kara’s job didn’t give them so much time as they would love to have but they did spend it together whenever they had a chance. Kara was often busy doing photoshoots for famous magazines, Esquire, Cosmo, and the like while Tom had gone rehearsing for theatre._

_Their flat was filled with endless photographs of her friends and mostly Tom in different scenarios; some from soccer games, some were while he was filming and the ones Kara loved the most were those that just showed the reserved side of Tom; candid photos of him reading or just rehearsing his lines._

_Kara often reminded him not to spend so much on her but, Tom, being the gentleman that he was, showered her with gifts that were not of expense but with meaning. However, there was one time when he brought her these pair of shoes she had treasured since. He remembered fondly how she’d remove them whenever it rained and walked barefoot on the street to go to their car. Tom had to carry her on his back to keep her from walking all the way barefoot._

_Tom had visits from her during his filming for the second Thor movie. He loved those the most when she would just show up with lunch in her hands, ones she prepared herself and surprised him._

_One day, a pair of hands roamed his chest from behind and whispered, “I wish you’d just be perfume so I could just wear you everyday.”_

_Tom spun around and saw Kara, lunch in hand with a cheeky grin spread across her face. “What if I want you wearing nothing?” He winked at his girlfriend._

_Tom slowly walked to her, a naughty look glinting in his eyes when she stepped back and giggled, “Don’t you dare, Tom Hiddleston,” she squealed as he approached her and backed her up on the trailer, leaning his lips against her neck only to torture her with endless tickles. “No! NO! Thomaaaaas!” She screamed in her bouts of laughter, earning a few disapproving looks from the crew that passed by._

_It was an eventful couple of months and he loved her so much. Kara loved him as much and it was all she could ask for. It was another morning without a booked gig for Kara and he had no rehearsals or interviews to go to. Today was a morning they just laid in bed and did nothing._

_Tom opened his eyes to see Kara’s sleeping form in his arms and he gently nuzzled her neck, kissed her nose and let his lips linger on her cheeks, rousing her from her sleep slowly._

_“Will you marry me?” He whispered._

_A few seconds passed before Kara realized Tom’s words and her eyes shot open, looking at his face for any sign of teasing before she stood up and ran to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and woke herself up with a splash of water on her face as she headed back to where Tom was. When she got back, Tom was sitting up and she set herself in front of him._

_“What was that again?” Kara asked, her face tinged with blush, her eyes still a little droopy as she fought a yawn from escaping._

_Tom took her hand and rubbed his thumb across it, looking directly to her eyes when he spoke, “My mother told me that one day, a girl would let me feel like more than the man that I thought I was, more than the actor, more than the man who portrayed Loki, Cymbeline, Freddie Page, more than what everybody knew was Tom Hiddleston. I would never forget how you made me feel, Kara; you made me experience things I never thought would be possible and the more I got to know you, the more I fell in love with you. You made my soul feel alive and I am grateful. I—I want you to remember this day as the day I swear to love you each and every day of our crazy lives and that I would remind you that I do, as long as you will want me. I—ugh, oh god, I had this rehearsed a few days ago with Ben,” he chuckled nervously, his eyes watering as he pulled a small box from behind his pillow, “Karolina Fairmont, will you be so kind and give me the honor of being your husband?”_

_Tom let go of her hand slowly and opened the box, revealing a silver ring with an emerald cut diamond in the middle, “Yes, Thomas, and a thousand times more, yes!” She cried as she embraced him, after Tom placed the ring on her finger, planting a firm kiss on the back of her hand. Then, she quickly took her camera out pointing it at her hand which she placed beside Tom’s face and took a photo. “I want to capture the moment where the man I love with all my heart has made me the happiest woman alive.”_

_A few months more passed and the wedding came, everything was set, Kara couldn’t have had a better image in her head. The chapel was simple and the flowers were the same but, even then, everything was elegant. She was behind the doors and she could hear the wedding march start. As the doors opened, her fingers trembled against the flowers she held and she could see the guests they invited erupting in huge smiles at the sight of her. She walked alone on the isle, slowly treading through the carpet that were scattered with rose petals all around but her eyes were on one man alone. Halfway through, her eyes watered, she stopped beside her soon to be husband, letting her one hand go free to take his._

_But, her hand found no one else’s. Her eyes traveled from Tom’s hand to his face, seeing his eyes filled with doubt and confusion. His mouth hung open and he blinked rapidly, looking down and shaking his head. Tom’s best man, Benedict, was asking him what the matter was when Kara tried to place her hand on Tom’s chest and right there as she almost touched him, he pushed past his groom’s men and ran out of the chapel, leaving her on isle, shocked and drowned in the gasps of disbelief that resounded from everyone’s mouth.~~_


	2. Amnesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the wedding, Tom had himself contemplating on his past relationship with Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a few days late with my update, I am sorry! 
> 
> I do hope this makes it up to y'all.

“Stop being so mopey, Hiddleston,” Benedict said, placing an arm around his best mate. “This is so uncharacteristically you.”

Ben was generally worried about Tom, he’d been really down since the wedding. He knew how Tom reacted to weddings and he tried to avoid most of them. Tom chuckled in pity, “What if I end up alone, by the gods’ will, karma for all the shit I’ve done?” His eyes threaded to the various paintings hanging on the walls. They thought a trip to the museum would get his mind off whatever he was thinking.

“There are a lot of fish in the sea, Tom.” Chris (E) stated, trying to lift the hopes up of his gloomy friend. “And I’m pretty sure you’ll find the perfect one for you, man!”

Tom and the others continued touring the museum. His thoughts were scattered everywhere and he couldn't keep quite focus of their tour just when he was suddenly stopped in his tracks, pulling the guys behind a huge marble column in his surprise.

 “What now?!” Ben exclaimed.

“I—I think it’s her,” he slowly peeked and saw a woman who had her back towards them. Her brown tresses fell longer than he had remembered. She sported a black long sleeved dress that clung to her like second skin. Her skin was as fair and as she admired the Van Gogh, she began playing with a lock of hair, a habit she had even since then. Tom recalled that inclination whenever she would be deep in her own thoughts. “I think it’s Kara.”

“What? Kara? Like—like, your Kara?” Chris asked a little loudly, looking at the girl they were staring at. He was grabbed and a hand pressed up to his mouth to shut him up; it was Tom’s.

Tom, Benedict and Chris continued to follow her subtly around the gallery when suddenly; Benedict pushed Tom from behind one of the columns and shouted, “Kara!” Ben caught her attention and waved his hand at her as Tom jumped nervously as he was brought in sight, his mouth agape, unsure of what to do or say.

Tom stood frozen with his eyes on her, unmoving, which felt like months. She stared at the three of them, Chris suddenly revealing himself from the same column. Kara looked at them curiously before Benedict pushed at Tom to walk towards her, following closely behind their astonished friend.

“Hi, ugh—how have you been, Kara?” Tom said to her slowly, looking down, peering up his lashes to get a glimpse of her still staring at him. The two other guys smiled at her and she showed a pondering look on her face. He didn’t have any idea why he would say that. _Of course she’d be mad as hell and probably doesn’t want to see you now. It has been almost 3 years, Tom,_ the voice in his mind chastised.

“Who are you?” she thought the man strange just popping out and talking to her out of nowhere. Without a hint of anger or disdain, she looked up at the man who towered a few inches above her. Her green eyes caught his piercing blue greens and waited for his answer. She blinked a few times before realizing his silence.

“Do I know you?” she asked once again, Tom looking at her with puzzlement as he eyed her carefully. She decided to tell him when no response came. She bit her lip before she started, carefully forming the words as she spoke. “I got in an accident a while back, I’ve amnesia. I’m sorry; I can’t recall who you are.” She shrugged and turned to leave the silent man.

Tom’s gaze followed her retreating form, now with confusion and disbelief. The two men walked up to him and asked why she had left so suddenly.

 

 

“Amnesia? You can’t be serious,” Robert told him. “You are not in some Netflix—ugh, rather, a BBC drama.”

Looking at the man who spoke, Chris (H) nodded and said, “She’s probably just mad at you, Tom.”

Chris (E) argued back and forth with the other Chris, saying, “That’s what I told him.”

“Maybe she was with her boyfriend and had to get rid of you.”

“And I told him that as well!” Chris (E) held on clearly getting irritated as he thought this conversation was moot.

“If Chris told you everything already, why are we still here?” Chris Hemsworth asked, looking directly at Tom who didn’t speak a word, staring off in silence.

“What if it was true? I mean, what if Kara actually had amnesia.” Benedict argued.

“Sure, but man, none of us here know someone who actually had amnesia.” Chris (H) replied once again.

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible!” he exclaimed, bringing out his phone almost uncanny to his Sherlock character. Ben typed in the word ‘amnesia’ into his Google search bar and browsed through the results. “Amnesia—a deficit in the memory caused by brain damage, disease or _psychological/physical trauma.”_

“Well, she doesn’t look like she got through an accident,” Evans ran a hand through his head. “She still looked beautiful back there!” He continued as a matter of fact.

“Maybe it was quite a long time ago,” Robert said. “What if it was on the day of the wedding? That was the last time any of us heard from her right?”

Everyone looked at Tom who had his brows knitted in frustration, drinking his glass of whiskey, still skeptical about the entire situation they were facing.

 

 

~~ _The rain was pouring as she hastily paced along the paved sidewalk, Kara’s once pinned up hair was drenched and her locks now dropped were slick on her skin. Makeup melted on her face, her eyes rimmed with the scattering black of her mascara. Her skin sported goosebumps that matched the shivering of her body--he held onto her soaked dress to keep herself from tripping right when she erupted into a sprint crossing the street._

_The heavy downpour and the heavier pouring of tears in Kara’s eyes blurred her vision and her ears were filled with a loud sound of a car’s horn catching her like a deer in headlights. She couldn’t have stopped in her tracks, the car was edged dangerously towards her—~~_

 

“Oh my gods, Kara, I didn’t know you were in accident!” Her best friend-slash-business partner, Angela, exclaimed. She and Angela ran a studio that provided creative photography services for a wide array of customers--mostly baby photos.

Kara pushed her right when she was about to sit on her chair, almost making her tumble to the floor. “No, no—that’s just an alibi I made up just in case I see him again.”

“Well, you could’ve just said, ‘I hate you!’ or—or ‘Get out of my life, I never want to see you again!’” Her friend reasoned out. “This is just so complicated.”

“I was surprised, Ange! I tried so hard to forget the damn man,” she opened the fridge, talking to her friend still. “And there he pops up, like a zombie that just came back to life.”

“You got to be careful, Kara,” her best friend flashed a look of worry to her as she set a sandwich on the counter. “Your pretend amnesia might come true; I don’t want you to forget all the offenses he’s done to.”

“That is one thing that will never happen.” She assured her friend.

 

 

The guys did some snooping and found out the photography studio that was under the name of Kara Fairmont. They tricked Tom into coming with them saying they were off for a boys’ night out and he bought it. Tom was oblivious to the fact that they were headed to the studio where Kara worked.

“So, Tom,” Robert lowered his shades as they walked up the steps to the building. “We’re not actually going to a bar. Instead we're going somewhere better--”

"We're going to Kara!" Ben shouted as they went up the steps of the building.

Tom shook his head and groaned in frustration. “I figured, but, what use would coming here still be? What am I supposed to tell her?”

“Whatever do you mean, Thomas?” Benedict asked. “When have you ever lost that gentleman charm of yours?” 

 _The day I left Kara at the altar._ He thought. “But this is different; we’re talking about Kara here.” Tom replied.

“A _Kara_ that doesn’t remember who you are or what you did!”

They went inside and Tom realized it was a photography studio. _I’ve got a bad feeling about this,_ he thought, not totally sold on the idea that Kara had an amnesia. His eyes scanned the area and found old replicas of classic cameras, both photo and video, ones they used to make silent films and the like. The entire place had a classic feel to it, reminded him of The Great Gatsby.

 

 

From the back of the lobby, Kara stared at the CCTV camera’s live footage and pulled Angela to her. “Ange—Ange, it’s them.” Panic was evident in her wide eyes as she felt her heart pounding. Her brows furrowed in worry and she didn’t notice her hands sweaty and shaking. She saw Tom behind 3 other men she figured was Robert, Chris Evans and Ben. Even if she felt nervous, she still appreciated the way Tom dressed casually as she knew him--sporting a light blue shirt that accented the dark brown of his hair. She quickly brushed the thoughts of Tom when Angela turned to her. _  
_

“You’ve got it all rehearsed, remember?” Her friend encouraged, patting her on the back lightly before starting to head to the lobby. “I’ll handle this.”

 

Ange saw the handsome looking men at the counter, all of them in their own striking appearances and she thought, _man, they’re tall and not too shabby._

“What can I do for you today, gentlemen?” Angela asked smoothly, smirking up at them.

Ben took a step forward, smiling towards the girl who is accommodating them. Angela seemed unfazed. She had her own encounter with the lot of actors, models and the like. “You look familiar, might you be the man from Sherlock?”

"Ben." He said with a wink. She offered her hand and Ben took it to his, bringing his lips to lightly touch the back of her hand. He nodded, “I might be.”

Angela shook her head and turned to the other guys, “What can I help you with?”

“We’re here to, ugh—get our photos taken!” the Australian Chris bellowed. “Can Kara be the one to take our photos?”

“She’s busy, I don’t think she’d—“

As they were discussing the packages and sets they could be photographed in, Benedict carefully sneaked to the back of the lobby. His eyebrow rose upon seeing her behind her laptop.

“Here’s Kara!” he shouted to the other guys from the back of the lobby.

 

Kara sat there in shock and covered her face, hiding her frustration before she looked to the man who had shouted her name.

“Who are you?” she shouted, her friend running to her rescue as the other guys went to the back as well, following Ben.

Ben, Chris (E), Robert and Tom ran out back and stood there in front of her, all smiles except for Tom who was stared at her somewhat confused and guilty looking.

“They said that they were friends of yours.” Angela crossed her arms and waited for their replies.

“Hi, I’m Ben.” He said, winking at Kara.

“Chris.” A smile brightening up the room.

“Robert. Downey. Jr.” he nodded at her.

Everyone then turned to Tom who didn’t quite speak up as soon as the others did. He contemplated on what to tell her before he spoke.

“I—uhm, Tom.”

“Tom?” Kara asked, looking at him with a feigned curiosity. “You seem familiar! Haven’t I seen you before?”

“Museum?” he replied.

“Oh yes! In the museum!” she chuckled feigning her amusement, ending at as soon as she started and said, “Why are you looking for me, anyway?”

Chris came to the rescue when he spoke up. “We’d love to get our photos taken.”

 

 

The photoshoot started and they were mostly wacky ones with various headdresses, huge sunglasses and masks. Ange watched from the sides as Kara photographed the group, coaxing them to different poses.

“When was the last time I saw you guys?” Kara inquired.

“Around 2-3 years ago.” Robert looked at Tom.

“Yeah, I think so too. I guess, I’m not really sure.” Tom replied, looking down.  _He was sure when it was. It has been 2 years and 9 months since their supposed wedding._

“What? You have amnesia too?” Kara mocked, before she burst into a laugh.  “Just kidding.”

 

She kept on taking their photos a few more times. “Wait. Could anyone of you be an _old flame_ of mine or something? I know we’re friends but, you’re all celebrities, and I haven’t been hiding under a rock.” Kara asked, bringing her camera lower to look at them.

“No! I prefer model types.” Kara turned to Benedict who replied almost too suddenly.

“Nope! Happily married for quite a while now.” Robert said as a matter-of-fact.

“I prefer someone a little older.” Chris stated a little shyly before chuckling at the inquisitor who turned her attention to Tom.

“I—ugh, no, definitely not.” Tom finally answered nervously, a stutter evident in his voice.

Kara’s eyes lingered on him a while longer, her gaze shifting from surprise and irritation that she tried to hide so well. Behind her, Angela was snickering at her friend to continue taking photographs.

“Why don’t we get our photos individually,” Ben suggested, “Let’s do it according to name!” He then looked at Tom who was confused. “I mean, favorite fruit—apple, Tom’s favorite is an apple.”

The other men were hauled out of the room, leaving Kara and Tom. Tom continued to pose, this time, without all the wacky props that the studio had to offer. Kara counted down, “1, 2, 3,” as she took the next photo, looking at her camera.

“Horrible.” She said, exclaiming to the photo she shot.

She noticed Tom looking at her with a pout and she caught herself with a chuckle, “Oh, not you, I meant the lighting.” 

 _But I did mean you,_ she thought to herself as she admired Tom's pleading eyes staring at her. His eyes were just as how she remembered them. The light reflected well on his blue greens.  _I used to love drowning in those eyes like oceans._ The thought ran unprecedented in her mind. Kara mentally chastised herself when she remembered a line she spoke to Tom back when they were madly in love.

Kara walked back and pulled a ladder from the back room, stepping up it to reach for the overhead lights that filled the room. She saw Tom walking to her and holding onto the ladder for support.

“It’s g—“ Tom started, only to be cut off by Kara pulling the light down to level his face. She stepped down and moved to the other side of the room to fix the other light. Tom followed her and did the same thing to keep her from falling.

“How are you?” he asked softly.

“I’m alright, why’d you ask?”

“It’s been a while since I last saw you.”

“It’s great to see you again.” He continued, despite being blocked by the light that Kara pulled in front of his face. “It seems like you didn’t change one bit.”

“Really? What was I like before?”

“Just like that. You’re still cheerful and kind—“ he looked down and spoke once again. “You’re still very beautiful.”  

He managed to pull a slight smile directed towards her. He did not lie when he mentioned that compliment and he knew it was true to his heart. Tom knew that out of the people in the room, it was probably Kara who knew him best, besides Ben. He was a nobody when they first met, just an aspiring actor who grew from the curtains and stages of Britain's theatre scene. _She's still as beautiful as I last saw her._ Although shorter, her hair still framed her face gorgeously. He thought, admiring the simple outfit she donned--a flowy skirt that ran down below her knees and a sleeves shirt that hugged every curve of her body. Tom caught her green eyes as he was admiring her and found Kara looking up through her eye lashes and the short lock of hair that fell on her face. Kara held a blank expression, but questions ran through her mind. She wondered how long it has truly been—how long it has been since she cried on that altar waiting for her groom to return, how long it has been since she have locked herself in a room for weeks, and how long it has been since Tom grew from an unknown theatre actor to one of the most sought after actors in Hollywood.

Tom slowly raised his hand in an attempt to brush away the hair that covered her face. Kara felt trapped in the depth of his eyes, her mouth slack-jaw, frozen on where she stood as he almost met her skin with his fingers. She could hear her heart beating loudly in her ears. Tom saw a light blush creeping up her face, a rose tinge on her cheeks spreading when she suddenly turned her back and focused her attention on the camera that she was holding.

“I think a few more shots would do, and you’ll be good to go.” Kara muttered under her breath. She held on too tightly to her camera, her knuckles whitening.

 Tom’s hand hung still in the air, feeling empty for the loss of touch he expected. He coughed uncomfortably, nodding to himself as he placed his hands in his pockets.

 

 

“Liar, liar, liar!” Angela exclaimed as she tried to poke the eyes’ of Tom’s still photograph. “That no good, lying snake!”

Kara felt puzzled, her face masking the same expression. Since the end of the impromptu photoshoot, when his Tom and his friends left, she lost all focus, staring off with the same odd look. She had her head slightly bowed, her eyes falling to where her hands fumbled with the hems of her skirt. The flashbacks of their relationship has been coming back and forth throughout the day and she did not like it on bit. _I didn't go through hell just for it to be all for naught._ She said to herself as tried to listen to her friend ramble on and on, catching only a few lines that came from Angela.

“I can’t believe he denied that he was your ex!” Angela screamed, pulling a chair to sit beside her. “The nerve of that man!”

“However, I commend your acting, Kara,” she looked to her friend who still had her eyes on her hands. “You really convinced him.”

Kara turned to her friend, her eyes downcast. “Why do you think he came back?”

She finally asked out loud. The question has been bugging her the entire day and days before that. It still confused her how after almost 3 years, Tom Hiddleston, would suddenly be back here--and pursuing her nonetheless. 

“Maybe ‘cause he came back for something—someone?”

Kara scoffed, “Nah, I’ve been fooled once and that’s enough.”

“What if he’s persistent? What if he chases after you?”

“Then let him.” She tried to make herself believe that her heart did not stop when Angela said those words. She built her resolve of the torture plan for Tom if he ever does try to get back in her life. Kara felt a flicker of hope lit for a millisecond in her heart and she had to quickly douse it with water as she spoke. “I don’t mind playing cat and mouse.”

 

 


	3. Don't Feel It Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see things in Kara's point of view.

“Let’s go, Ange, we’re gonna be late for the shoot!” Kara shouted from the bottom of the stairs. She just finished the sandwich she had made for breakfast. It was almost 9AM and the shoot was set at 10. Kara and Angela had booked the shoot for the day from one of Ange’s contacts.

She heard Ange’s footsteps down the stairs as she gathered all the equipment they needed and proceeded to place it in their vehicle. It has been quite a long time since she’s participated in an out of the studio shoot and she can’t deny her excitement.

They locked their apartment and ran outside, going to the van they usually rented. “Joe, can you get the doors for—“ she called out to their driver.

The van’s sliding door suddenly opened, revealing Tom inside. She definitely did not expect him there. She flashed him an annoyed look but quickly masked it as she asked him. “Why’d you come here? Is there a problem with the pictures I took?”

Kara’s eyes focused on Tom with her arms crossed as he loaded their equipment inside the vehicle. He flashed his toothy grin. “I was just looking for you. I wanted to know if you wanted to go out for coffee later.”

Ange raised her eyebrow at the man in front of her best friend, scrunching her nose as she gestured for Kara to get in the van so they can leave. “Sorry, Ms. Kara, he said he was your model.” Joe shouted from the driver’s seat.

“Oh really now?” Kara faked a laugh at Tom, who joined her in response as she got in the van, closing the door to his face.

The van drove away as soon as Tom realized they had just left him. He looked down his shoe, dumbfounded at what just happened, coughing to himself in embarrassment. Just then, Tom hailed a cab to follow the van that just left before it could disappear from his sight.

 

“Well, that got rid of him.” Ange said, a chuckle escaping from her lips. The cars breezed past theirs, Joe driving hastily to their venue.

Kara couldn’t deny that she somehow felt guilty with what she did but shrugged it off as soon as she felt remorse. She shook her head to herself and joined Ange’s laugh albeit a little softer. “It sure—“

She was cut off when the van stopped and her eyes travelled to the side of the parking lot where Tom just exited a cab, reaching inside to hand the cabbie some money.

“Ange—what?” she exclaimed as she exited the vehicle. She looked at her bestfriend, pointing outside to show her Tom rushing up to their van and opening the door.

“Hey!” Tom smiled at them. “Looks like I just got here in time.”

 

 

“Thomas, Thomas!” the makeup artist flirted with him, “Do a favor for me, please?” She batted her eyelashes.

Kara noticed the high shrilly voice that accompanied the scantily clad lady doing all the makeup for the models that she shot. From her camera, she took a subtle side glance that caught her glimpse of Tom and her new lady friend, Hailey. A manicured fingernail traced their way on the shirt that showed Tom’s taut muscles. Hailey shrieked a laugh as Tom scratched his head in an ‘ehehehe’ laugh as he placed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. The lady slapped his arm playfully when she caught Tom staring at someone else from across the room.

She looked away when she figured it was her Tom was eyeing. She ignored the lady’s voice that stood in the noise that filled the room.

“Thomas! You’re not listening. Can you get me a drink from the back room?” Hailey sweetly asked, batting her eyelashes.

“I—“

“Tom! I need you here!” Ange called out to him, saving him momentarily, or so he thought. He walked away from Hailey, pulling his arm from her clutches.

 

When he was called, the photo shoot immediately started and Tom was starting to feel like it was a bad idea following them there. In the past 2 hours, he had gone up and down the building’s 12th floor to run for errands, favors and items that Kara required.

“Tom, could you be a darling and get the other tripod from Joe?” Kara asked sweetly. He nodded with a smile even if it was his nth time to go down for errands. He lost the interest in all the people gawking at him as he entered the elevator, drowning in the exhaustion he felt.

“Okay, Kara—let’s test this shot first!” When he got there, Tom heard Angela shout as he entered the makeshift studio. Angela quickly grabbed the tripod that he held and placed it in front of her.  

Tom’s eyes travelled to where a white backdrop was placed. They had a black leather sofa and a male model was situated at the center of it. But it wasn’t the man that took his attention; it was Kara who was dressed in lace lingerie, sitting on the lap of the male model. Her face sultry, her hair was somewhat in disarray, and her skin glowed against the light of the set. He stood there astonished, looking away after getting a glimpse of Kara stroking the man’s cheek. His heart clenched, his gaze moving to the take out he’d bought for her.

From the other side of the room, Kara set herself on the lap of the male model. It was an impromptu shot that the client suggested just because one of their female models did not show up. Kara obliged with the client’s request after she continuously complimented her that she had the right body for the shot they wanted. Her eyes travelled to where Tom stood with his back turned to them, looking sullen and stumped. It wasn’t in her plan and maybe, this unexpected situation had worked in their favor. She thought as she winked at Ange.

 

“Do you want to grab a coffee with me?” Tom suggested, worn out from the events of the entire day. Kara was grabbing all of the equipment she could get her hands on so they could leave soon. She was surprised as Angela when they saw Tom still waiting for them by the door. The shoot ran for hours and they finished a little while before dinner.

Kara shrugged him off, “Nahh, I’m quite busy the next few days.” She said, grabbing Angela and hastening out of the building and into their van.

_They left me again, w_ as all that ran into Tom’s head.

 

 

“How long do you plan on keeping him on your amnesia leash?” Angela asked sleepily.

“Until he disappears from my life.” She answered back, grabbing the muffin on the counter.

As they were conversing, a knock on their apartment door jolted Angela and Kara from their breakfast. Kara unbolted the knob and saw Tom with cups of coffee in his hand. Kara turned to Angela and looked at her with panic when she saw her on the phone trying to argue with what she assumed was a client. Angela paid her no attention and he turned to Tom again.

“Good morning,” Tom smiled. “I think you left something in the building yesterday.” He mused, handing her the cups of coffee he bought. Kara’s eyes didn’t leave his when she accepted the coffee.

“What?”

“Me.”

Tom looked down and chuckled a throaty laugh. “Oh! Haha! I’m sorry—you know—amnesia?” Kara laughed, hitting him playfully as she faked her amusement.

“So, I was wondering if we can finally go out for lunch or coffee?” Tom asked hopeful.

Just when Kara was about to reject his offer, Angela ran to her. “Kara—Mrs. Lancaster has an emergency and she asked us to take her scheduled photo shoot for today!”

“What? What about our baby shoot later this afternoon?”

“I can handle that with Joe! You go on ahead,” Angela ran out the door, grabbing her own equipment. She stopped for a second and motioned to Tom, gesturing to Kara that she should ask him to go with them. “It’s just a family photo shoot, don’t worry!”

Kara groaned, turning her attention to Tom. “So, do you want to come with me?”

Tom knew it was the photo shoot she meant, having overheard the conversation the entire time. It was far from the coffee date he had hoped but he figured that it was not his place to complain.

 

 

They arrived in the park where a few cars were set. Kara scanned the area and saw that there was a family clad in cream dresses. Panic rose up in her spine and she quickly dialed Angela’s number in her phone as she walked to her would be clients.

“Angela! You told me this was a family photo shoot? Why are they wearing wedding clothes?” she seethed through her phone. She fought the urge to scream opting to grasp her phone really tight as they spoke.

“I thought it was just wedding rites you were allergic to?”

“This is almost the same thing, Ange.” Kara groaned at her friend as Angela apologized.

She hung up and introduced herself to a lady from the group. “Hi, I’m one of Mrs. Lancaster’s associates.”

“Oh, hi, I’m Ophelia.” The woman stretched her arm to offer her hand to Kara. The lady had ruby red lips and bright hazel eyes that looked really striking. Ophelia smiled at her and she took her hand in a firm handshake.

“I thought this was supposed to a family portrait—uhm, not to be rude, why are you dressed in—in?” She asked nervously.

“Oh,  this is a gift from us to our parents,” she explained. “They’re celebrating their 50th anniversary.”

“There they are now!” Ophelia exclaimed, gesturing to her parents who just alighted a car of their own.

 

 

“So, where does this go?” Tom asked, holding the reflectors and the tripod in his hands.

“Try it on the water.” Kara smiled at him but it never reached her eyes. An annoyed expression flashed momentarily before she masked it and made up for her _joke._

“Just kidding, place it here.” She gestured, helping Tom organize her things.

Kara set up with Tom by the edge of the lake, keeping her eyes away from his the entire time. She asked the old couple to go by the edge, instructing Tom to hold the reflector disk a feet away from her, just below where her camera was situated in.

The couple was arm in arm, a huge grin plastered on their faces. The man had his arm around his wife’s shoulders while she had her arm on her husband’s chest and around his waist. She took a couple of shots and stared at the results her camera gave her. Her eyes watered and her chest tightened in frustration as gazed at the happiness that radiated off the old couple’s smiles.

“Okay, let’s do one more!” Kara instructed as the old couple kissed. She took a few more photos of the couple embracing and kissing and she fought the tears that tried to break their way into her eyes.

“Tom, please move farther.”

Tom moved a few steps back.

“Farther.”

“Here?” he asked.

“Farther!”

Tom was a few meters away from Kara. “Does this still have an effect?!” He asked her with a loud voice.

She interpreted the question in her mind a different way and looked at him from afar. _Yes, Tom, you still have an effect on me._ She thought, her eyes watering. “YES, TOM! IT STILL HAS!”

She shouted in anger or pain or both, she didn’t know. Kara quickly turning her gaze to the couple in front of her. She wiped her fingers from under her eyes and joked with the couple. “You guys are making me cry.” She chuckled, making the couple burst out in giggles.

 

 

The photo shoot ended just as it started drizzling. Kara didn’t bother with an umbrella and just gathered her equipment; taking those that Tom would try to reach out for.

“Let me take that one.” Tom offered, grabbing the bag of tripods.

“No, let me.” Anger was evident in her voice as she took the bag from Tom’s hands. “I can do it!”

She started walking away from him, with all the equipment she can carry as it started pouring a little stronger. Tom called out her name louder, running after her. He was ignored for a couple of moments just when he shouted, “Don’t let the cameras get wet! Head over to that pavilion for a while!”

Tom followed her into the small pavilion that was roofed from the rain. Kara dropped her equipment on the marble seats and groaned. She brushed her wet clothes and tried shaking her hair from the rain that fell on it. She was dripping and it annoyed the hell out of her.

Tom gazed at her, keeping his distance. He rolled up his sleeves and set the other things beside the area where Kara placed her equipment. He ran his hand through his brown hair.

“Did I do something wrong to make you mad?” Tom asked her meekly as he offered a handkerchief to her. She swatted his hand away and continued brushing her hair with her fingers before she turned to him.

“No,” Kara answered sternly, a condescending look flashing across her face. “I just remembered a story my friends told me back then.”

“About what?” Tom dared to ask.

“I was supposed to get married before,” she turned to him, watching Tom’s expression as the streetlights glowed on the side of his face. “But the guy left me at the altar.”

Tom’s heart stopped and he tried to mask the guilt that tried to appear as he continued asking. She looked at her, his chest heaving. “Didn’t they tell you—who the guy was?”

“I don’t know.” Kara shrugged at him, fumbling with her fingers.

“Not even a name?” His voice was lower.

“They didn’t bother—they said that I might just end up killing the man.” She replied in all seriousness.

Tom’s hands lay on his lap as he looked down. He shot a glance at Kara. “No pictures? No anything?”

“They burned it all,” she sighed, staring off into the park that was wet with rain. “So I wouldn’t have to remember him.”

They were filled with a moment of silence, only the rain filling the void where their voices were lost. Tom tried to affix himself on the pitter patter of the rain on the roof, the scent of earth filling the park. Kara took a glance at him and Tom caught her glistening eyes.

“Weird right?” Kara started her eyes locked in his. “What kind of man would have the nerve to do that? To think that he knew I didn’t have anyone else with me—“

Kara looked away from Tom. She couldn’t handle the emotion and looking at him as the words flowed out of her mouth.

“Imagine—I prayed so long to find someone I could share forever with.” She scoffed. “They told me—I was so happy on the day of my wedding. The day was sunny and bright, and everything was so magical. I was a glowing bride, _to the perfect groom—“_ she seethed at the word ‘groom’.

“In a perfect wedding.” She shook her head to herself as the words came out soft, not believing them as they escaped her lips. Kara ridiculed herself for her musings and naivety. She pitied herself from believing the idea of ‘forever’ back then.

“But I was wrong.” She sighed. “After the guy ran off, they said that I just hid behind the altar. Everyone tried to urge me to just go home but—but, I insisted to stay there.”

Tom felt her emotions oozing through her lips. He couldn’t bear to look at her, only catching a glimpse at Kara staring off into the distance. She saw her hands in fists on the edge of her skirt, her knuckles growing white. His heart ached, hearing Kara speak with sorrow.

“I kept crying and crying. I told them that I would wait for him, I—I told them that he’d come back. That—that,” She said defeated, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat. “That he couldn’t do that to me.”

“But—I was wrong again.” Kara looked down, quickly wiping a tear that escaped from her eye.

“Maybe it was good thing I was in an accident,”

“Imagine that—I’ve already had amnesia but the story still feels really painful.” She quickly countered.

Tom stared at her, the sadness in her eyes mirroring his. _I wish I could wipe those tears from your eyes, Kara._ He thought, _even if, I’m the one that put them there._

“Let me ask you,” Kara spoke up, wiping her cheeks that were stained by her tears. “Why do you think he left me?”

“You told me, I was cheerful, that—I’m even beautiful, and—and kind? But why did he still leave me?”

The question rang in his ears and Tom spoke up for the first time. “Maybe he was just afraid.”

“Bullshit! That’s all?!” she shouted at him, her eyes never leaving his face.

“Maybe he felt like he rushed into things.” Tom didn’t notice he spoke from his heart. Mustering up the emotions he felt that day he left her at the altar. That day when he laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, wrapping his mind around his rash decisions.

“Then why did he bother asking me to marry him?!” Her eyes were puffy from crying and her heart was tired.

“I’m sure he had his own reasons, even I would be afraid.” Tom spoke softly against her screams of inquisition.

“Afraid of what?!”

“You.”

“OF ME?!” Kara looked at him surprised and disbelief. “Why would he be afraid of me? So, it’s my fault then?!”

“No—he was afraid _for_ you,” Tom said, looking down, not meeting her eyes. “He was afraid that he would hurt you more if he pushed through with it.”

“Does he think I’m not hurting now?” Words flowed out from her mouth, unintentionally addressing him.  

“He had a lot of questions back then—what if everything would be about the two of you? That he loses himself and that what if he said yes then—he won’t be able to commit to the promises he made you in the long run.”

“Did he find his answers?!” She asked him in anger. “Did he?!”

“He found out it was more difficult for him after he lost you.”

Their eyes locked—his blues and her greens. Tom’s eyes glistened as he scanned her face for any sign that all of this amnesia was a joke, that maybe his reunion with Kara had all been a dream. He wondered if this Kara could ever take him back after what he’s done.

“Kara, I’m sure that, wherever that man is right now,” Tom said sullenly. “He regrets ever leaving you. He regrets that he hurt you.”

“But, if he was standing here in front of you, I’m sure he’d only ask one thing from you,” Tom looked down to his hands, speaking a bit louder and clearer.

“He’d ask for forgiveness. He’d say, ‘I’m sorry, I was a coward for leaving you at that altar.’”

He turned her eyes to her and saw tears free falling on the side of her face. She caught herself but could not stop the flood that threatened, and just like that, she stood up. Tom followed her suit and stood up; wrapping his arms around her shoulders in comfort as she cried and she let him. She didn’t know why but she just did. She wrapped her mind around the solace that she felt having him wrap his arms around her after so many years—how much she longed for him to say those words all those years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? 
> 
> Leave a message or something. :) I'd be eternally grateful. 
> 
> Thank you!


	4. Not In That Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara forces disbelief down her throat as the turn of events from the night before continued to plague her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRSTLY, I AM SO SORRY FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS OF DELAY IN UPDATES.   
> I am currently finishing major requirements because I am graduating in a few months. *yey or nay*  
> I will still try to continue updating when I can, but I cannot guarantee a definite time table for anything. 
> 
> Second, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I've had this written for about a few weeks now but just couldn't quite   
> sum it up. 
> 
> ENJOY! :)

“That serves him right! He well deserved it!” Angela exclaimed as she chopped the onions. “I’m sure his conscience is eating him up right this moment!”

Kara’s mind flooded with emotions and confusion. Angela’s words were blocked and she caught a few of them but, she was too occupied in her own thoughts that her friend’s words ran unnoticed. Angela was much more infuriated at the turn of events that Kara told her from last night.

“You were right to tell him how bad of a man he is right to his face, you should’ve rubbed it in more!” Angela dropped the knife and rubbed her forehead. “You should have slapped the guy!”

Kara’s face remained blank and it did not slip Angela’s notice. She had her thoughts scattered all over the place since last night and it bothered her the moment she woke up. Her mind was flooded with Tom’s words and apologi— “Earth to Kara, what kind of look is that? It seems like you should be the one I’m slapping right now.”

“Holy crap, Kara, I’m getting a vibe that I’m the only one hearing my words here. DON’T—God, Kara! Look at me!”

Kara turned to Angela, confusion and surprise filling her eyes, her mouth slightly agape as her friend chastised her. “What look is that?!”

“ANGER, ANGE!”

“My God, Kara, wrong answer!”

“What?! Now you know better? What should it be then?”

Angela sighed, setting herself on the chair by the counter giving up the argument as she presented her last words. “Nothing. You should feel nothing towards, Tom.”

Kara felt conflicted now, more than ever as Angela explained her cause. “The fact that you’re still feeling anger towards the guy, just says that you still have feelings for him.”

“No. I don’t.” She whispered, repeated and repeated all in her head.

“Okay, Kara.”

“No, I don’t.” She told herself, once again, trying to make herself believe the words that came out of her mouth.

 

That night, Kara tossed and turned in her bed, her sheets wrapping around her in a disarray that engulfed her how Tom consumed her very thoughts. She couldn’t comprehend how everything had been so sequential. She never thought she’d ever see him again now that he’s a world famous movie star. The very idea of Tom fucked her mind up. She recounted the number of times he entered in and out of her mind the entire day, encompassing her entire work schedule. Her thoughts were adrift, Kara was out of focus and Angela had taken notice.

Now, even in her time of sleep, the one place she thought she could leave out Tom—he prevents it from ever taking her. She had not dared to expect him in her dreams as she finally felt slumber slowly taking her from reality, grateful for removing her from this nonsensical train of thought.

 

The next day dragged. There were no scheduled customers as everyone probably geared up for the holidays. Angela left a bit earlier that afternoon as she anticipated the lack of patrons in their establishment, leaving Kara reflecting on her own again.

 “I can’t let him off easily.” She told herself as she tidied up the headpieces scattered around the area. It was an honest statement however, she felt the lack of conviction in her voice as she spoke. She mentally chastised herself and decided to browse through the clients’ photos up for post processing.

Halfway through the photos, she didn’t notice her mind adrift once again. She heard her mind internally arguing with herself as she lingered through the pictures.

**_Don’t act like you’ve avoided him at all costs._ **

_I did. I tried. I deleted every photo of him. Threw away every piece of him that I owned, even that nifty polaroid I got from the thrift shop._

**_You’ve seen every movie that had him in it, Kara._ **

_Don’t talk like I’m not you, or vise versa. Why am I even having this conversation with you?_

**_I don’t know, it’s your mind._ **

_I can’t help it if Ange is a huge fan of Marvel and everything related to it. I never actually told her the name of that ass of a groom I had to have back then. She pulled me to every screening of each of those movies._

**_She might have. But Deep Blue Sea wasn’t one of those. Neither was A Hollow Crown—Only Lovers Left Alive._ **

Kara paused for a moment, realizing what her mind just told her. She deliberately watched those films out of her own will—first day showing, nonetheless. She could faintly remember arguing with her choice to watch the movies she knew Tom would star in.

_“I’m only seeing this to mock him.” But she knew how good he was, how amazing he was as an actor and how he became better with each and every film he made—for she had seen them all._

_The day she discovered the Deep Blue Sea she watched it in her flat, drowning in the darkness of her room.. She sat against her couch huddled up in her blanket, the light of the TV on her face._

_It warmed her heart when she heard Tom singing. ‘Twas a feat that she often saw and one that had a special place in her heart._

_“Fly the ocean on a silver plane, see a jungle when it’s wet with rain._

_Just remember when you’re home again, you belong to me.” The lines went. It brought a smile on her face and related to Hester how she adored Freddie and how she felt for him. In that light, Kara could not help but cry at the scene where Hester came to pick Freddie up from the pub, how he pulled from her arms when she tried to hold him._

_“MY GOD!” Freddie screamed as they stepped out of the pub. “JUST BECAUSE I FORGOT HER BLOODY BIRTHDAY!”_

_It surprised Kara how well his acting had been. She had not seen this film even when they had been together. She wondered what made her watch this film even after they’ve—he has already done irreparable damage to their relationship. Maybe it was out of spite, that she saw the film by herself, maybe she was looking for something to hate him for._

_“Jill loves Jack. But, Jack doesn’t love Jill in the same way. Jack never asked to be loved.” Freddie explained to Hester, gesturing with his hands._

_“But what about Jill?!” Hester begged._

_“THAT’S JILL’S HARD LUCK!” Tom screamed, his anger capturing the entirety of his face. “I CAN’T BE BLOODY ROMEO ALL THE TIME!”_

_Kara’s heart clenched at his statements. She had not seen Tom as angry as that even back when they were still together. It scared her that the man she knew as the kind-hearted-soft-spoken-although-bride-leaving actor had that much to spit out. Freddie lashed out at Hester and right there, Kara could not even recognize the man before her._

_She bawled her eyes out, sniffed and gulped as she repeated the same scene over and over again._

_“I CAN’T BE BLOODY ROMEO ALL THE TIME.” Pause. Play._

_“I CAN’T BE BLOODY ROMEO ALL THE TIME.” Pause. Play._

_“I CAN’T BE BLOODY ROMEO ALL THE TIME.” Pause._

_She stared into his blue eyes, almost as dark as the night for the lack of light, from the TV screen. She took the words as thought they were directed at her—from her sadness, came anger._

_That night, she could barely get the sleep she longed for—the scene playing on loop in her mind. She cried a few times for him. Because of him. And it was alright for Kara. It had only been a few months and her self-pity had to come to a full stop. She missed him so much and she couldn’t deny it._

_She missed the warm of his bed. The arm on her stomach as she woke up to the sunlight from the windows of his flat._

_She missed the beard that would tickle her neck as he nuzzled her from behind, the eyes that would make her forget the entire world right then and there._

_She missed how she could love him unabashedly and how he did as well._

_But that night, she decided to stop missing him._

 

Kara chose to stop arguing with her thoughts as it would prove to only be futile. I’ll never love him like I used to, she thought—tried to convince herself. This convincing thing is getting more and more frequent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo? What do you think?  
> Comments/Kudos would be greatly appreciated! 
> 
> \----G


	5. Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE PROFOUNDLY.   
> I have not gotten around to writing, this is not even an excuse anymore for I have none.   
> I just hope that you have not given up on me. *bribes you with Tom Hiddleston gifs* 
> 
> This is another chapter I have finished! I hope you do enjoy it.

“Tom, come back to us.” Robert said, nudging him a little.

“Yeah, man, you’ve been silent and out of zone the entire day.” Chris (H) continued.

“No, it’s just—it’s real different when you’ve heard it from the person you’ve offended,” Tom replied, coming up from his distracted state. “I thought I was just a bad person, didn’t think I was actually a monster.”

“And this is why I don’t like to be in love.” Benedict said-as-a-matter-of-fact.

“Well, true love is only for brave people.”

“So, what are you saying Chris, that I’m a coward?”

“YES.” Chris and Robert said in unison, earning a laugh from the two married men.

“You know what true love is?” Chris asked. “It’s this one—3, 2, 1!” He counted off. As he reached 1, Elsa came out of the house they temporarily stayed in, with food for the guys. The men laughed it off and gave themselves high fives, except for one, who seemed dazed as his friends joked.

“If I could only embrace the hurt away from her, I would embrace her for so long until she feels better and whole again.” A sad musing from Tom was raised and turned the entire table silent—listening to him. “If you just saw the look on her face when she told me the story.”

“I just want her to be happy—like I always did. I just want to tell her to stop crying because not all men are like me. I don’t want her to believe that all men will leave her, or hurt her, or just make a fool of her love for them.”

“What if it isn’t you?” Benedict asked.

“Ehehe,” A pained laugh escaped Tom’s lips. “I can handle myself. I just don’t want her to close herself off to the opportunities of opening her heart again, that’s what’s important.”

 

 

Kara walked along the park, browsing through a couple of photographs she took of various subjects she found; couples, the doves that flittered along the paved walkway of the park and the children that played in the fair weather, something new for London. She stopped by an empty space under a tree and sat herself on the damp grass. Her camera was tucked and safe from any possible rain, a habit she followed by heart. Then, she pulled out a small pocket book she kept whenever she took walks like these. _Henry V_ , she thought, grazing her fingertips across the book’s weathered cover, careful not to tear it all the more.

It wasn’t a coincidence, definitely not, that this was the book she brought nor that she have a copy of the old manuscript. Kara flipped the cover open and ran her fingers through the dents of a pen that read: _‘If thou canst love me for this, take me. If not, to say to thee that I shall die is true, but for thy love, by the Lord, no. Yet, I love thee too.’ 5A5S2. Signed, TWH._

“You may have lost the gift to woo in other places—“ She muttered almost angrily, only to be stopped by a familiar scent that made her look up from the page where her eyes were previously glued.

“—These fellows of infinite tongue, can rhyme themselves into ladies’ favors.” Her brain could not process what she saw at that moment but later registered it was Tom continuing the line she was speaking. Kara stared in surprise at Tom trying to hold back a grin, probably at the joy of finding her, much to her feigned annoyance.

“May I have a seat beside you?” Tom queried softly, his hands still behind his back as he leaned forward slightly, gesturing to the empty space beside Kara.

“The park is a free public area—“ Kara replied as a matter of fact.

“Yes, I know,” he replied with a nervous laugh. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable if you don’t approve of my presence.”

Kara found herself shaking her head in embarrassment at her rudeness. She moved a little so Tom could have a seat under the shade of the tree beside her. Remembering the book still opened with her finger tucked in it, she suddenly closed it, fiddling with the edges of the torn cover.

Tom recalled quite well the copy in her hands. _It’s been years,_ he mused to himself, chuckling at the thought that it was his first copy of the book. He recognized the book the moment he laid his eyes on it, the worn out cover and the browned pages all as how he gave it to her. He was even surprised that somehow, the aesthetic of the book had not changed so much.

“Henry the fifth,” he smiled at her, as she avoided his gaze. “I remember I had a copy of that back in my college years. Where’d you get yours?”

Kara tried not to look panicked at his question. She breathed slowly, answering him coolly, “I got this at some sort of an old antique book shop on one of my trips to the country up north.”

“Oh, is that so?” Quite disappointed with her answer, Tom assumed that maybe it was the story Ange told her when she lost her memories.

“You don’t believe me, Thomas?”

“Never thought you’d be one for a Shakespeare girl, that’s all.” Tom darsed to say.

She guffawed at Tom’s remark, raising her eyebrows to look at him. “What would you have pegged me for? Jane Austen perhaps?”

Tom raised his hands in surrender, “I didn’t mean to offend,” He laughed, shaking his head.

“There is more to me than faux Instagram shots and selfies with a professional camera, Hid—Thomas.”  She caught herself, hoping he did not hear her slip out a syllable of his last name.

Relief came over her when Tom continued his remarks after laughing, “I did not peg you for selfies with a DSLR though, I imagine that would be quite difficult with the size of your cameras.” He shrugged, earning a smile from Kara, followed by a nod in agreement with his statement.

 

 

Their chat continued on and on, and the sun started to set, the dark getting closer. Kara started to pack up her things, grabbing her camera and setting them beside her to place all the scattered equipment inside her bag. Quite in a hurry to get her stuff together, she did not notice Tom grab her camera from the ground and started taking photos of her, ‘til she heard the shutter.

“Wha—Thomas!” She shouted, making a grab for her camera. “Give that back!”

“Just, gimme a second,” Tom whispered calmly, evading Kara’s hands. She crossed her arms in annoyance, knowing she could not catch him, nor get her camera ‘til he was done with it.

Tom saw through view from the fisheye of the lens, he admired the orange and blue hues that matched the silhouette of the trees. But, what caught his attention the most is the laid back silhouette Kara had made against the light of the scenery. She took a few snaps of it and stared at it through the screen. The bunned up hair that Kara had and how long her neck was as she leaned her head against the tree trunk—

“Are you quite through with it?” Kara frowned at him, pulling Tom from his thoughts.

He nodded with a smile, muttered a soft ‘Thanks’ and shut the camera off, handing it back to Kara. She didn’t bother to look at what he did to her camera and instead, threw it in her bag and stood up. She was ready to leave, to avoid all the weird emotions that were starting to resurface at every waking moment she spent with Tom. _I will not be broken so easily,_ she thought to herself.

 Kara was ready to storm off but Tom reached out and caught her arm before she could. “Do you mind if I walk you home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL HAVE ANOTHER UPDATE SOMETIME THIS WEEK. YEY.
> 
> Comments and kudos' are always--and I mean forever, highly appreciated. xx


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